depression

the winter's just gotten so beautiful.i don't remember having felt a colder winter in kolkata.pardon the borrowed beginning.i haven't blogged for a long while.no internet.pissh.the winter's too pretty to let go without commenting on this time!!one day i stepped out of my house to go about my daily business of doing nothing.but then i thought what am i doing nothing for?what is the use,the purpose?every passing moment the looks of anxiety and disappointment on my parents' faces seem to intensify.do i even know what i want?everyone around me has a plan.bustles with energy.i feel shameful.like i am guilty of a terrible terrible sin.and there's no way i can talk myself out of this one.can i?

nothing seems to change.all people are the same.they just wear different-looking masks and talk in different dialects of sugar-coated promises-meant-to-be-broken.i have met so many such non-lookalike clones.i don't want to any more.

parents.the only people in this world who can be expected to love for all that you are,are not and will never be.i am digressing.but hope springs when i think of them.i owe them.and probably no one else.would like to.but don't really need to.not anymore.

i don't mean to sound so disappointed.but i guess i am.i expected more.as usual.